I am beginning to see that all of life is a process of letting go. It matters not what I am trying to hold on to; or what want to remain the same – everything is in process, ever changing.
The process of a piece of art I am working on, is frustrating at times, bringing self doubt and yet I press on.
Thoughts are never stagnant and yet thoughts can drive one mad when they take on an obsessive pattern, around and around in my mind. Luckily for me I recognize for the most part when I am obsessing. However the small stuff seems easy to let go of, to stop the obsession. It is the bigger stuff that apparently for me can move from obsession to addiction. The thing about addiction is it has a physical component to it. The one I struggle with right now is food. I am obsessed with food.
I am a recovering alcoholic ………. I have been sober 17 years and would no more want a drink that I would want to stab myself in the eye. I know drinking hurts – me and others. But what of food? One still has to eat.
However I know enough about addiction that this will kill me too. And I know that the mental obsession for alcohol was removed from me through the process of the 12 steps and with the help of a Power that I do not understand.
And I know that this same process works for hundreds of overeaters, folks who have had the obsession of food removed, who did it through the same 12 steps and the same Power and Grace that removed the alcohol obsession from me.
So what is it that I am refusing to let go of here ……… that is the question.
I stopped nicotine 7 years ago and have been eating my emotions instead of smoking them away. Instead of drinking them away. A friend I had not seen in many years told me I looked sad…………
What is this sadness, grieving, heaviness? mmm heaviness !!!
more to come ……………