This time of year ………this time of life. I ponder if the 60’s are the autumn of our lives or the winter. I find I do not dread the thought of the cold weather coming, the snow, the isolation, the dark. I know that this year I will make more of an effort to get outside and embrace the daylight that is so precious.
However right now I need to just stay in the day and enjoy the leaves the great temperatures.
And I need to do this in terms of life. In these years ……..this next and perhaps last chapter of life. Step out in the light……..happy to not be living in the dark places of my past. I really see this as the autumn of my life not the winter of my life. However we don’t know when we will pass on/ over………….so living life as if it where that last part, may be important. Live each day to the fullest.
Looking at the beauty of the leaves……….and the strength of the “winter” …………..guess I am in my years of beauty 😉
I was listening to one of Oprah’s and Friends Podcast’s and the woman said “Sadness is really love”
This statement took me back a bit and I had to process the greatness of it.
When I have felt sad I often thought it was “all about me” and that I was selfish – or deserved to feel this way. And I am recovered enough to know not to get lost in any of those type of thoughts. This new way of looking at sadness feels much better and somehow very right.
I know now how much I love; by the sadness in my heart about some things.
And I am (made of) water and the tears flow because I overflow with love……
Now don’t get me wrong I am not in constant sadness, not by a long shot. What has happened to me in recovery is; I can no longer stuff the feelings, the tears, the love.
I can no longer have the walls around me that I used to have I now have boundaries instead of walls. I no longer live in the dark.
Spirit walks with me and I am in the presence of Love when I choose to be conscious of that Love and Light. To do Inventory is to go into the dark and bring “my stuff” into the light.
God has made him/her self known to me over and over again as I have walked this path of receovery and more and more I am able to stay in the day (hopefully in the now) and that is where God is….where…I am
I am not sure what “catching up” means. I am unsure if we can “catch up”. I have been away from here, this blog, this site, this art for some time now and to start feels like to start again, not catch up.
If I could flip a switch and just have the creative juices start to flow, I would. However I am contemplating the next few months and the fact that I am going to move once again. And I know how big a job it is and so I can only picture me packing. I need to have a yard sale sometime in September and I know that takes work.
Always I get back to the energy it takes to do these things. I know that it will come however right now I am having some difficulty in facing the work ahead.
I can only pray for the strength and motivation to carry on and do the things I need to do.