THIS PIECE WAS DONE BY A NATIVE ARTIST NAMED CARL RAY……….. I LOVE HIS WORK !!

today I am an artist……. I recently attended a Gallery where a paper artist absolutely was an inspiration to me. Because of my love for paper I am now trying to create my own Paper Collage.
and I will have a camera by the end of the week and will publish photos next week.
There is an Art Show on the 17th and 18th and so I would like to have some new work done by then.I traveled to Bracbridge this morning on a paper hunt…………. mulberry paper – none to be found here in Huntsville. Soon I will be out of this great “YES” glue and will need to hunt that down………on the internet.
I have to create to stay sane in this new noisy place I am living in…….. I realized yesterday that I have had the TV on for weeks; to drown out the pitter patter of heavy little feet. What is the lessen here ??
On the recovery side of life I am day 24 sugar free. And it feels so good !! and I have been listening to some CD’s that are keeping me in touch with the more Spiritual side of my life.

Well it does seem I have fallen into the realm of nothingness, in terms of my blogging.

I thought at the outset of this I would be writing about my art and my recovery. My recovery is ongoing and so I need to keep writing about all of it. Perhaps recovery is just another word for life and the growth we experience.

This month I have realized many things about my relationship with food. It never ceases to amaze me how things can be just below consciousness. On some level I have known that food had become a bit of a problem, the denial in that is; it had become a huge problem.
I stopped smoking 5 1/2 years ago and I see now that I switched addictions. So in fact became a food addict. My whole life was revolving around food, just like it had around cigarettes, just like it had around drugs and alcohol. Finally about 6weeks ago I bottomed out with sugar. I know what happens to my body when I consume things like ice cream. I bloat and all the horrible part is the sugar goes right through my system like somebody is shaking a can of pop.
And yet I would go “unconscious” and be gone to the store and be ingesting the stuff. And then once again go through the experience of it all.

Today is day 23 of no sugar !!! AND no junk food (chips etc.) No french fries, no drive thru, no white bread, no potatoes, no white pasta.

And so it is. My head is clearer. I feel more awake and more alive.

When people ask how you are ………..do they really want to know?

Could they understand …… could they really grasp what is being said and not be too judgemental.

Are we really allowed to feel some very real emotions and not be told to ” get over it” …..

Perhaps that is why we don’t really tell folks how we are………….. Sunrise Sunset

it is a good thing that I understand recovery to be an on going process. Although I

have recovered “from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body”

and I do not want to drink or drug…………….

It seems I still recover from other things – learning this past week how disconnected I can be from – food – my body – how I eat.

Is there no end????????????? I recall that line in Narcotics Anonymous that says “We keep what we have only with vigilance………………….seems I need to transfer all this to food.

Constant Vigilance – no car eating – no TV eating – no reading a book eating. I realize the social contact of sharing a meal is missing from my life. I see what a “social” time it was for Brent and I. And, I am not saying that was a good thing. We smoked together too, and that was a social thing – a time of conversation and sharing – a connecting.

And I know it was the overeating and the smoking that killed him. Added on to years of drug use…………cocaine kills. Maybe not the day you use it. Alcohol kills and its often a slow death.

Burned out as I am……………..I know there is hope that I can be healthy in the physical realm, I am healthy Spiritually and Mentally ……………..and Emotionally most of the time.

HOWEVER they all are connected so really if I was that healthy emotionally would I not be able to be vigiant in terms of emotional eating………..which goes right back to

I am powerless over my addictions and I need God to help – I need to ask for help each day in referrance to my eating – oh shit – in reference to my life!!!!!!!!!!!! My will (thinking) and my life (actions)

Good Process here…………………