it is a good thing that I understand recovery to be an on going process. Although I

have recovered “from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body”

and I do not want to drink or drug…………….

It seems I still recover from other things – learning this past week how disconnected I can be from – food – my body – how I eat.

Is there no end????????????? I recall that line in Narcotics Anonymous that says “We keep what we have only with vigilance………………….seems I need to transfer all this to food.

Constant Vigilance – no car eating – no TV eating – no reading a book eating. I realize the social contact of sharing a meal is missing from my life. I see what a “social” time it was for Brent and I. And, I am not saying that was a good thing. We smoked together too, and that was a social thing – a time of conversation and sharing – a connecting.

And I know it was the overeating and the smoking that killed him. Added on to years of drug use…………cocaine kills. Maybe not the day you use it. Alcohol kills and its often a slow death.

Burned out as I am……………..I know there is hope that I can be healthy in the physical realm, I am healthy Spiritually and Mentally ……………..and Emotionally most of the time.

HOWEVER they all are connected so really if I was that healthy emotionally would I not be able to be vigiant in terms of emotional eating………..which goes right back to

I am powerless over my addictions and I need God to help – I need to ask for help each day in referrance to my eating – oh shit – in reference to my life!!!!!!!!!!!! My will (thinking) and my life (actions)

Good Process here…………………