So I am going to attempt to blog however for now just put up some artwork. In the many years I have been doing art ………. this is actually the first commission. The experience was a process in which I went through many feelings and thoughts. Was I able to “create on demand” ? As I built the medicine wheel it began to evolve and I knew that there was no pressure and that in fact I could do this piece.
Marked by the May Moon Acylic and Imported Papers on Canvas.
The private collection of Mark Duffie Of Laurentian University.
Marked by the May Moon
Just finished a time of stress and reflection – if that sounds like an oxymoron it probably is. I was rushing here and there which causes me stress and I was staying away from home and travelling home during the day. Working on line at home and journalling at the other place. The journalling helped make some decisions about doing too many things. I have 3 websites that I try to keep updated ~ one of which is a business. I volunteer at a couple of different organizations and I work on line. Staying busy is good however doing too much is crazy making. So some choices are being made. Energy being redistributed and conscious contact with Spirit necessary!! Prayer and Gratitude! Action and Attention to all the the above.
A busy weekend, the first art show in such a long while. I am an introvert and it is so difficult for me to spend that many hours out in public. I find it difficult to make small talk, or perhaps to talk and have long conversations with folks. And it’s me not them
I am considering taking my art to the Bohemian Cafe’ in Bracebridge. I will leave them there for a while; perhaps until I do an outdoor show this summer. I would like to do one art in the park this summer. A long weekend Saturday I think.
Working “online” is new and feels like I am ‘on’ most of the time although really only 10 or 15 hours per week. And life is what it is. And life is good, I am grateful.
Welcome to my new Blog…….. with all the old stuff moved over from Blogger! Just finding my way around the tools and trying not to get overwhelmed.
This week I am in Spring Ahead Art Show – taking place at Hidden Valley Resort here in Huntsville. this is the first show this year and am looking forward to it. The Ballroom will be full of local artists and that can be inspiring and at times intimidating. However I so enjoy the creative process and believe being able to do this keeps me sane. I am blessed to have the support of family and friends in my life, in all that I do and all that I am. The good the bad and the not so pretty !!
After this Show I am moving stuff to the Bohemian Cafe’ in Bracebridge for the summer. Well ……… that’s the plan! I will keep you posted.
Today is my 1st day without a headache since New Years. The doctor tells me the non-narcotic pain medication that I have been taking apparently can cause headaches if taken for too long.
Why did I not know this, why have I not been told this before?
Only through my connection to Spirit can I recover. It matters not what I am trying to overcome I cannot do it on my own. I have experienced this over and over – experience is a great teacher however we must choose to learn the lesson or it keeps coming back.
I have been contemplating the thoughts of; am I depressed? am I sad? What is all this about? I have decided to take a herbal supplement called 5HTP to up my serotonin levels. In the program of recovery we are reaching for a state referred to as Happy Joyous and Free ……………. how does one measure these feelings.
I do not have a lot to be unhappy about ………… perhaps a little lonely once in a while. Unhappy with my physical condition. Freedom?
It occurs to me that only through prayer and contact with Spirit am I truly content. By this I mean when I am praying regularly and trying to remain humble/teachable I am peaceful.
I have also committed to attend a grief group through Hospice Huntsville, I would like to explore my sadness a bit further. Many losses at once; even though it was 7 years ago, I lost my mother and my husband and my father within 20 months. Loss of a dream. My daughter moving far away felt devastating.
However the bottom line in all this is I look around the world and know that I am blessed; to live in this country, to live in Muskoka, to have a roof over my head and a vehicle to drive, a closet full of clothes and a fridge full of food. This is more than most people of the world have. I am grateful.
I am beginning to see that all of life is a process of letting go. It matters not what I am trying to hold on to; or what want to remain the same – everything is in process, ever changing.
The process of a piece of art I am working on, is frustrating at times, bringing self doubt and yet I press on.
Thoughts are never stagnant and yet thoughts can drive one mad when they take on an obsessive pattern, around and around in my mind. Luckily for me I recognize for the most part when I am obsessing. However the small stuff seems easy to let go of, to stop the obsession. It is the bigger stuff that apparently for me can move from obsession to addiction. The thing about addiction is it has a physical component to it. The one I struggle with right now is food. I am obsessed with food.
I am a recovering alcoholic ………. I have been sober 17 years and would no more want a drink that I would want to stab myself in the eye. I know drinking hurts – me and others. But what of food? One still has to eat.
However I know enough about addiction that this will kill me too. And I know that the mental obsession for alcohol was removed from me through the process of the 12 steps and with the help of a Power that I do not understand.
And I know that this same process works for hundreds of overeaters, folks who have had the obsession of food removed, who did it through the same 12 steps and the same Power and Grace that removed the alcohol obsession from me.
So what is it that I am refusing to let go of here ……… that is the question.
I stopped nicotine 7 years ago and have been eating my emotions instead of smoking them away. Instead of drinking them away. A friend I had not seen in many years told me I looked sad…………
What is this sadness, grieving, heaviness? mmm heaviness !!!
more to come ……………
I think someone emailed me this picture or perhaps I found it on the Web.
This is how I see the energy of the Universal Source, how energy healing happens, how we are all connected.
The meridians of the body are shown so well and the Silver thread that connects us all / it all.
We are One with, at One with this Source.
Here is the finished Butterfly Picture – I guess I need to name it. I want to call it “out of the woods” because of the process that got me to this point. I found that the learning was huge in doing this piece, so that the beginning of the next few will be easier.
THIS PICTURE NOW LIVES AT THE WELLWOOD CENTER IN HAMILTON, ONTARIO.
Yesterday I saw this quote on a blog that I read weekly. It was from either a Lenard Cohen song or Poem.
RING THE BELLS THAT STILL CAN RING
FORGET YOUR PERFECT OFFERING
THERE IS A CRACK IN EVERYTHING
THAT’S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN
I am so moved by this………probably more moved than I have been in a long time.
My interpretation of this tells me to ” ring the bells that still can ring” = do what you still can do
………..”forget your perfect offering” = stop not doing things because they/it may not be perfect…..
.”there is a crack in everything” = no thing is perfect, all have faults/cracks……………
.”that’s how the Light gets in” = it is in our humble state/ our brokeness that God/Light/Source get to us ……………Ah ah Amen
This is another of my Torn Paper and Butterfly Series of cards that I am currently working on. The holiday season is starting to enter into my realm of consciousness. And once again I consider what it all means as we grow older – do we still consider this a special time. The statement that “Christmas is for children” is one to ponder. What does that mean? Is there really magic in Christmas. Ram Dass ( a guru of the 60’s ) said ” If you think you are Spiritually evolved go spend a weekend with your family of origin”, and I wonder if this is true for most of us. And if we have children what then does this mean for them – and for us? I have two friends who are now living with their mothers full time. The one friend is fearful for his sanity and the other who is new to this way of living says the “warehousing” that goes on with the elderly is just not any way to treat our parents. Recently I visited my mother-in-law at such a facility. Once in her room I was fine; however the walk down the corridor to get to her room, was long and filled with the some of the horrors of aging. Folks slumped over in their chairs, mouths gaping open, oblivious to all that was around them. Perhaps we should be like Benjamin Button ………… and go the other way; start out as an old man and get younger. No one really minds caring for a baby !!
As I re-read this I realize it’s still some “leftovers” from my birthday and getting older, and I need to know that “going home” is not such a bad thing; for that Home, that place of “many mansions” in my Fathers house, is not such a scary thing……………