Don’t get me wrong I am so grateful for the life I have, for all I have and for all that is coming to me. It’s just so weird how I go along for a week or so feeling so well and then BANG I get hit by the Fibro truck and get struck down with the pain and the loss of energy.

I have not been able to do more than one thing a day for the past week.

Just drained of all energy and feeling like bed or the sofa is the only place I want to be.

I read and watch TV and make meals and go to the store or for a coffee at the drive through………..make a card or two…….drained.

So my prayers today are for healing. Heal this body!!

And I just needed to write this to affirm that its ok to “take a break” when I need to and not feel guilty that I am not “doing more”

So this is a card where I am using what I am calling “recycled art”. This means I will use watercolors that didn’t make it to the framing stage; take a small section of that painting and use it in my cardmaking. There is another one in the slide show on the left.

I am a card maker! It is like this passion, or addiction 😉

once I start a series I can’t stop !!

I think it’s because each one is different, one of a kind has always been of interest to me, perhaps I have always been “one of a kind” myself. I realize that I am getting to be pretty ok with who I am. And it feels really good and ok.

We really should get to start out in old age and get younger!!!!!!!!

I am blessed and gratefull for my life and all those family and folks who are in it.

This is one of my newest cards. I am currently showing these cards on the left hand side of this page in a slideshow. I plan to set up a Paypal method of purchasing these cards, perhaps by a offering a package of six cards.

The dilemma I always seem to have is how to price each card. I recall an artist telling me to set a price per “size” so perhaps I need to do that.

I suppose it’s all about how we value what we do, and can we step up in confidence as an artisan.

All this talk of “The Secret” had me thinking about how I have manifested this whole art thing.

I recall walking down the Locke Street in Hamilton and looking up at the “artist studios” over top of some of the stores, and thinking how wonderful it would be to create, to be an artist and to live there in that space. I was in my early 40’s and going off to school in Toronto each morning to be an Addictions Counsellor. Three years later I was living in one of those studios and I began to create. I set up the front room that overlooked the street, and purchased a drafting table that I could sit at. I painted the fireplace purple and I loved it there.

That was the beginning of my artistic journey……………..

Well it’s been awhile since I have done any painting. Or anything creative at all. So it felt good to do this today.

Speaking with friends the past few days about how fast life is. And there goes January!! I have sense that I need to set some priorities. I have things I want to get done “over the winter” and here it is the end of January……..

I have some writing I want to do, cards to make, paintings to paint, and trying to get to Curves and Yoga…………so I can keep up the pace of this fast life………..

Well I never thought when I “lived in the fast lane” that it was going to get fast !!!!!!!!

Then of course I had the thought that perhaps I am slowing down………..whatever way it is I am grateful I am alive ………grateful for my family and friends and my life.

My “Happy Dance” in celebration of 14 Years of continuance sobriety………today in 1994 I came back into recovery after being “out there” for about 6 months. I had been sober about 4 1/2 years and that summer (93) I picked up.

The time out – was short – and scary. It was hard to come back to the “rooms” however I knew only too well that it was life and death, I choose life.

I choose to stay close to thoses who are on the same path that I am and I choose to stay close to God and AA.

Because I have known too many folks that did not come back, did not keep coming, or were just around and not in AA.

It is “grace” that I was given a second chance at life and at recovery. I choose too celebrate life and to those who care enough to celebrate with me, I thank you and welcome you to walk with me as I/we “trudge this road of happy destiny”

As the world turns and each day passes I must remain grateful.

Yesterday passed and I did not hear from as many folks as I did last year on that date. Life goes on and we have busy lives and we move forward and onward – and that is life.

I have family and friends who love me and know I am who I am and that’s ok with them.

I thank God I am here now at this time, the year 2008 in front of me to live to the fullest.

I am grateful, I thank the Creator for all that I have and all that is coming to me. Now!

I wonder what resolution really means for folks. The number one for most is “to lose weight” !!!!!!! I make that one every week and so I am not going to make that one and throw it out to the universe simply to ignore it myself. Or make it more complicated than it needs to be. The main fact is I get “zero” excersise – so one thing I can do in the New Year is watch for the money to come that will enable me to join Curves again.

I want to change my mornings; writing each day and if it means going to bed early then so be it.

Making cards and trying to put some stuff into practice that I did over last summer at Halibuton.

Recovery is still “first things first” and that means God first and this prayer. “Seeking the wisdom” means seeking divine knowledge. Seeking to know what God’s will for my life is.

I do think if I had alot of money I would go someplace where I could do “good works” yet as I write that I know that I do this here – in recovery – in the 12 steps – in sponsorship.

I went to treatment 19 years ago today 1988………….started the “trudge”

And today Peter would have been 59 “Rest In Peace”

So over the next few days as we draw near to the year 2008 I will comtemplate what resolution really means for me and make a few meaningful ones.!!!!!!!!

such busy times I can hardly fathom that christmas is so close. I find I have things left undone……..no cards sent out. Things left unsaid to some folks that I care about and feel I have things to say and don’t.

Pray and stay grateful – stay close to the Great Spirit of the Universe and if all I can say is Merry Christmas ………..then so be it.

blessings to all who pass by here

Emerald

There seems to be a debate on the idea of praying for others or if praying for yourself just what it is that one should ask for.

I pray for family and friends all the time however I only ask that they be granted peace and serenity and health.

I don’t pray for them to “change” or do certain things. I suspect that is up to them and what ever Force, Source or Energy they pray to for help.

I know some folks stuggle with the concept of God and I suspect that the problem at times seems to be we have created God in our image. We try to put form and face to God instead of a feeling or knowing. I see folks who are in recovery who come in and already have a concept of a Higher Power and have a sense of this Power at work in their lives.

For those who cannot conceive or believe I can only say that it’s ok because that Great Mystery believes in you!!

I pray that everyone in my “circle of life” which includes family and friends has peace and serenity and hope…………

I pray that I can be of “service” by living a life of gratitude and faith……..

A men

A women !

So here I am 60 and still with the same name I was born and baptized with. Being “independent” or being “my own person” has been difficult and has had its costs.

I always tell folks this: there is always a price and a payoff.

And I do not mean financial (although $$ can be part of it)

the thing is the payoff has to be more than the price.

Now whether this is in a relationship with another person or with the Universe at large I firmly believe this.

I came into recovery in December 1988 and the costs of my addictions where large. 20 years of trying to “heal” trying “to get better” working at things like “surrender” when control was the only thing I ever thought I had that kept me safe. If we (as addicts or survivors or alcholics) really knew what affect our behavior has on the shaping of our childrens lives could it have been any different? Addiction take us away from any values we may have had or any one we valued. Addiction is all consuming, eats us up and spits us out. Damaged. And filled with guilt and remorse. We can however recover………….through the help of God and the priviledge of working with other folks with the same problems. Telling them about the solution and the program of action that we found in the 12 step programs.

I am blessed today to have my family in my life and I have a few regrets that I live with however I know I am grateful and I know I am loved.

I am so grateful for friends…………….like Lesley Snider who did this picture on a birthday card for me!!!!!!!!! How great is that!!

I am Emerald Chamberlain and I am here, now, and for that I say thanks to all who make my life a wonder-filled place to be. I celebrate my life!!