Just finished a time of stress and reflection – if that sounds like an oxymoron it probably is. I was rushing here and there which causes me stress and I was staying away from home and travelling home during the day. Working on line at home and journalling at the other place. The journalling helped make some decisions about doing too many things. I have 3 websites that I try to keep updated  ~ one of which is a business. I volunteer at a couple of different organizations and I work on line. Staying busy is good however doing too much is crazy making. So some choices are being made. Energy being redistributed and conscious contact with Spirit necessary!! Prayer and Gratitude! Action and Attention to all the the above.

A busy weekend, the first art show in such a long while. I am an introvert and it is so difficult for me to spend that many hours out in public. I find it difficult to make small talk, or perhaps to talk and have long conversations with folks. And it’s me not them

I am considering taking my art to the Bohemian Cafe’ in Bracebridge. I will leave them there for a while; perhaps until I do an outdoor show this summer. I would like to do one art in the park this summer. A long weekend Saturday I think.

Working “online” is new and feels like I am ‘on’ most of the time although really only 10 or 15 hours per week. And life is what it is. And life is good, I am grateful.

I am beginning to see that all of life is a process of letting go. It matters not what I  am trying to hold on to; or what  want to remain the same – everything is in process, ever changing.

The process of a piece of art I am working on, is frustrating at times, bringing self doubt and yet I press on.

Thoughts are never stagnant and yet thoughts can drive one mad when they take on an obsessive pattern, around and around in my mind. Luckily for me I recognize for the most part when I am obsessing. However the small stuff seems easy to let go of, to stop the obsession. It is the bigger stuff that apparently for me can move from obsession to addiction. The thing about addiction is it has a physical component to it. The one I struggle with right now is food.  I am obsessed  with food.
I am a recovering alcoholic ………. I have been sober 17 years and would no more want a drink that I would want to stab myself in the eye. I know drinking hurts – me and others. But what of food? One still has to eat.
However I know enough about addiction that this will kill me too. And I know that the mental obsession for alcohol was removed from me through the process of the 12 steps and with the help of a Power that I do not understand.
And I know that this same process works for hundreds of overeaters, folks who have had the obsession of food removed, who did it through the same 12 steps and the same Power and Grace that removed the alcohol obsession from me.
So what is it that I am refusing to let go of here ……… that is the question.
I stopped nicotine 7 years ago and have been eating my emotions instead of smoking them away. Instead of drinking them away. A friend I had not seen in many years told me I looked sad…………

What is this sadness, grieving, heaviness? mmm heaviness !!!
more to come ……………