Category Archives: General

New Years Resolutions

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I wonder what resolution really means for folks. The number one for most is “to lose weight” !!!!!!! I make that one every week and so I am not going to make that one and throw it out to the universe simply to ignore it myself. Or make it more complicated than it needs to be. The main fact is I get “zero” excersise – so one thing I can do in the New Year is watch for the money to come that will enable me to join Curves again.
I want to change my mornings; writing each day and if it means going to bed early then so be it.
Making cards and trying to put some stuff into practice that I did over last summer at Halibuton.
Recovery is still “first things first” and that means God first and this prayer. “Seeking the wisdom” means seeking divine knowledge. Seeking to know what God’s will for my life is.
I do think if I had alot of money I would go someplace where I could do “good works” yet as I write that I know that I do this here – in recovery – in the 12 steps – in sponsorship.
I went to treatment 19 years ago today 1988………….started the “trudge”
And today Peter would have been 59 “Rest In Peace”
So over the next few days as we draw near to the year 2008 I will comtemplate what resolution really means for me and make a few meaningful ones.!!!!!!!!

Merry Ho Ho

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such busy times I can hardly fathom that christmas is so close. I find I have things left undone……..no cards sent out. Things left unsaid to some folks that I care about and feel I have things to say and don’t.
Pray and stay grateful – stay close to the Great Spirit of the Universe and if all I can say is Merry Christmas ………..then so be it.
blessings to all who pass by here
Emerald

Praying

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There seems to be a debate on the idea of praying for others or if praying for yourself just what it is that one should ask for.
I pray for family and friends all the time however I only ask that they be granted peace and serenity and health.
I don’t pray for them to “change” or do certain things. I suspect that is up to them and what ever Force, Source or Energy they pray to for help.
I know some folks stuggle with the concept of God and I suspect that the problem at times seems to be we have created God in our image. We try to put form and face to God instead of a feeling or knowing. I see folks who are in recovery who come in and already have a concept of a Higher Power and have a sense of this Power at work in their lives.
For those who cannot conceive or believe I can only say that it’s ok because that Great Mystery believes in you!!
I pray that everyone in my “circle of life” which includes family and friends has peace and serenity and hope…………
I pray that I can be of “service” by living a life of gratitude and faith……..
A men
A women !

Emerald Chamberlain

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So here I am 60 and still with the same name I was born and baptized with. Being “independent” or being “my own person” has been difficult and has had its costs.
I always tell folks this: there is always a price and a payoff.
And I do not mean financial (although $$ can be part of it)
the thing is the payoff has to be more than the price.
Now whether this is in a relationship with another person or with the Universe at large I firmly believe this.
I came into recovery in December 1988 and the costs of my addictions where large. 20 years of trying to “heal” trying “to get better” working at things like “surrender” when control was the only thing I ever thought I had that kept me safe. If we (as addicts or survivors or alcholics) really knew what affect our behavior has on the shaping of our childrens lives could it have been any different? Addiction take us away from any values we may have had or any one we valued. Addiction is all consuming, eats us up and spits us out. Damaged. And filled with guilt and remorse. We can however recover………….through the help of God and the priviledge of working with other folks with the same problems. Telling them about the solution and the program of action that we found in the 12 step programs.
I am blessed today to have my family in my life and I have a few regrets that I live with however I know I am grateful and I know I am loved.
I am so grateful for friends…………….like Lesley Snider who did this picture on a birthday card for me!!!!!!!!! How great is that!!
I am Emerald Chamberlain and I am here, now, and for that I say thanks to all who make my life a wonder-filled place to be. I celebrate my life!!

Colors of Life

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I suppose this watercolor is different for me in that I usually tend to stick with one or two muted tones or colors that are not in such contrast. I often start painting (after not painting for awhile) with lines like this. My goal is too continue this mood and see where it goes.
Life is busy and it seems the older I get the busier it gets.
I am blessed with family and friends ……….and recovery from various forms of darkness. What more can one ask for ?
I am reading more of Oriah (Mountain Dreamer) and she calls God the “Great Mystery” and I like that and accept that the “unknowing” the “mystery” the “suprises” are what makes life on this human level liveable. If we knew everything that was – is and will be, wouldn it not be overwhelming?
One day at a time, Acceptance and Seeking this Great Mystery is a good way to live. Constant self-examination without harsh judgement, and kindness, always kindness.
Emerald

Loon Art

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Well here it is………I really never thought I would do a loon. Everybody does loons HOWEVER it does have to rank up there with the most beautiful birds in the world.
My loon was done in pencil and I would like not to be so confused in terms of what medium to use.
I would like to do more of this type of art – sort of native ………….I suppose the thing is to just keep doing it.
Would like to do this larger and have a moon with the loon!!!!!!!!!!! 😉
(the loon in june stares mainly at the moon)
Emerald

Remember – Not all wars are far away

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Persephone – she is the keeper of the Underworld in Mythology
For every one of us who have lived in the dark and fought battles against enemys that came in the form of a bottle or a drug and lived – we need to remember those who didn’t.
So although I did pray for those who died in wars so we could live free I also remember that when one addict dies so another can live we can’t take that lightly.
Life or death is the disease of addiction.
AA is so important and I am responsible to keep it going by passing on what I know and what I have learned. Mostly because I know that it works…………………………..and I know how fragile life is and how important it is to have God in my life so I can handle it all.
Blessings
Emerald
I borrowed this picture from somewhere on the web!

Energy

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Our energy goes out from us and is all around us and some folks give us energy and some take it away.
I learned along time ago that I am super sensitive to other peoples energy. I often have to take a “step back” if I am around someone who is zapping my energy.
Since I have this disability that is all about pain and energy I find it all rather confusing at times.
My saving grace is that I know when to “rest”. I have some difficulty at times letting others know when I have “had enough” and this past week was an example of the struggle I deal with at times. I did way too much and finally crashed.
This next while I am going t focus on the different ways I rejuvenate. One is by being alone and doing creative things. It’s finding the balance between solitude and isolation that is often the challenge for me.
Other ways to re-energize is to get outside, I mean outdoors, I mean into nature. And living where I live you wouldn’t think that it would be hard to do that. Yet I struggle with it. For a person who spent so much time in or near the water for the first part of my life, I certainly notice the difference when I “go there”.
I suppose its all really about BALANCE.
So to Balance Energy……..to be connected to the earth and the cosmos and to other humans in a good way…………and in order to do that I must be connected to self and God.
(found the picture on the net)
Esmeralda

God, The Great Mystery, Spirit, Higher Power, Life Force

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This picture I borrowed from somewhere on this world wide web. Its called Going to the Light. I suppose if we listen to folks who have had near death experiences that is what they speak of “going to the light”
Should we not take that as a small hint that we need to “go to the light” each day. The Light ( capital “L”) is another of the many words we use for God. When we know how powerless we really are, how much faith we need to have, we can truly let go and let be. Not easy but possible.
I had a friend in early recovery that had been so abused as a small child, that she could not believe there was a God. She heard someone say they couldn’t believe in God but they could believe in good. And she said I knew there was good in the world. She had foster parents that treated her with dignity and respect and she knew they were good people and she said that when she came into recovery she met folks who were good. And so she said she started to believe in Good. As her belief grew she was able to identify that the good she saw in people was the Divine in them, and that God spoke to her through the Good she saw in others.
And so we need to pay attention to who God puts in front of us. Who are our teachers and who are we teaching. More important, what are we learning and what are we teaching.
For those folks who must have ” all” the anwers and “all” the control (or think they do) I say – leave room for the Great Mystery………….do we really want all the answers? I think not. Life would not be worth getting up in the morning if we knew it all.
We need to remember we are all teachers and we are all students. As the Course in Miracles says:
“This is a course in miracles. It is a required course. Only the time you take it is voluntary” it goes on to say “free will does not mean that your can establish the curriculum. It means only that you can elect what you want to take at a given time.”
So what it is saying is that we can go through life picking and choosing what we will learn, however the lessons will keep coming; and if we choose not to learn the lesson, it will come back again, at some point in our life. And so we are given many opportunities to learn that same lesson, perhaps it comes in a different form, but it is the same lesson.
And I believe what we learn we must pass on, and that we teach what we most need to learn!
I think also that spirituality is my realtionship with God and with you. It is how I live my life.
In the 3rd step of the 12 Step Programs “we turn our will and our life over to the care of God”
My “will” is my thinking and my “life” is my actions.
And I fall short…………….because I am human. I must strive to find the Divine in me; continue to “go to the “Light” each day. Talk to God as I would talk to a loving teacher, friend, parent. Ask for help each day and know that it is given.
And in my humaness I need to stop being so “unloving” and hard on myself. Another name for God is “Love” and so I need to know that if I am not living in Love than I am living in fear.
And as the “course” says fear is really a cry for Love.
And I fall short…………

Esmeralda

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ESMERALDA
I am a book.
I choose to allow you to pick me up and look inside. I am not quite finished, so there is no need to look for a last page, it has not been written yet. I ask that you are gentle in your understanding of its contents.

The cover (as you can see if you look with love), was not always purple, it was black. The change was difficult however I like it much better now. The title on the cover is Esmeralda; it’s a magical story. The glitter that once dusted its cover has fallen away with time and wear. The witch’s hat in the corner confused me, before I knew the truth about witches.

I am a book; I have many chapters that will take you many places. Esmeralda is the main character and the dialogue is hers’ as she questions the Universe. Chapter one start’s out with one such question. Esmeralda is feeling like she was born into the wrong family, something isn’t right and she can’t understand what it is. Her questions to the Universe are these; “How can I be in the wrong family?” and “Am I a mistake?” No answer came from the Universe so Esmeralda lost herself in the flowers on the wall.

The next chapter begins with a move, “To the north” the father said and of course Esmeralda was too young to say no. This brought about her next question to the Universe, “Why can’t I say no, what kind of a Universe is this anyway no one sees what is happening and no one hears my silent no?”

For many years the Universe refused to answer, and so one day Esmeralda yelled as loud as she could, NO! NO! NO! And the only one who heard her was the father. He could not accept the No and sent Esmeralda away.
I am a book, with many chapters that are far too many to tell you about here. Esmeralda moved to a different place and changed her name. She had studied to be an Alchemist and did well to turn things into gold. She had two children for a while and then they disappeared.

Time passed and Esmeralda changed her name again and rebelled against the Universes’ plan for her to be an Alchemist. She sailed away on a ship …..her days became dark and she no longer questioned the Universe.

One day in a flicker of light Esmeralda remembered where her children were. She flew south to be close to them and vowed to never go north again.

The darkness was powerful and followed her; it called her to a place where she was to meet many dark souls.
She studied the darkness as if nothing else mattered, and the book you are holding contains many dark secrets from that time.

Twelve years flashed by and one day Esmeralda found a magic mirror. She was full of fear but dared to look into the mirror. As she looked she saw it was much lighter in the mirror and to her horror she saw she was forty years old and not twenty-eight as she had thought. Esmeralda screamed as loud as she could to the Universe, “HELP ME, HELP ME, HELP ME!!!”
And ……..Finally the Universe answered, “Your lessons in the dark are over, it’s time to live in the light”. Esmeralda was frightened and said, “But I don’t’ know how to live in the light”.
The Universe replied, “You have the magic mirror, you need only know that everything in a mirror is turned around. So go into the light and turn everything you learned in the dark around, it will work for you if you try.”
So Esmeralda stepped into the light!
I am a book about a good witch who lives in the light and tries.